Love in Korea

26 Nov

Love, what’s their to say? What is it? When do you it’s real? Will I ever find it? Is it even for me? Can you love another if you don’t love yourself first? Is love just a chemical reaction stirred up by the brain?

So many questions, I can spend hours, years even deciphering those questions and still be just as clueless as before. I thought I had found love numerous times, but then something always happened, whether it was infidelity or pure boredom and it just never seemed to work out. I’ve tried to make it work, but then something always stood in the way of what I consider perfection. maybe that’s just it, nothing is perfect, love isn’t perfect, and I should stop shooting for that perfect man. BUT, why settle? Why settle for something that isn’t perfect, that is only half of you want. Aw see, back to square one.

I came to Seoul to find myself, to be on my own, to be alone, and the last thing I want or need right now is a relationship. I left a great love back home and came to Korea to explore myself, and explore another world unknown to me, not to delve into so-called love. Their are bigger issues out there that need to be dealt with, and my own selfish needs have consumed me for far to long.

Yes, I need to be happy as well but for once, I just want to take things one day at a time, and let life happen for me, and try to make a difference in the lives of my children. At times, I get frustrated at work, or stressed or lazy after the 7th hour of teaching but I just realized last Friday at work made it all worth it.

The school held a Thanksgiving event day, why I don’t know, because technically Koreans don’t celebrate thanksgiving like Americans but the school wanted to show Korean what it was all about, giving thanks.

The kids put on multiple performances, singing and dancing and it brought me to a tear. After only 3 months with these kids, I got so emotional seeing them perform. I was so overwhelmed with emotion, I didn’t know if it was homesickness or thanksgiving but either way, I was so filled with emotions when I saw the kids take the stage.

I’m scared to even think about how I am going to feel when I leave this place, when I leave the kids I’ve seen grow up before my very eyes. Is this what parenting feels like? It’s scary! It’s to emotional! I’m not ready for that just yet, my students now make me happy and fill me with voids I’ve had in my life for a long time.

Anyways, I don’t know how a post on love turned into this, but I guess love is what you make of it. Love is genuinely caring about another person, and their well being.


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